In my latest podcast episode I shared that I recently moved back to the Netherlands for an undetermined amount of time.

The past six months have been some of the most stressful of my life – Liv Label Free Membership friends know ALL about it LOL – which inevitably impacted my health and well-being.

Without going into too much detail, I fell into a deep burnout, experiencing anhedonia (inability to derive joy or pleasure from activities that previously brought joy), bouts of depression, extreme (existential) loneliness, and nervous system overwhelm from living in a toxic environment – both physically and mentally.

When my body goes into chronic fight-or-flight mode, I start vomiting. Not intentionally, but because my system cannot digest when it fears for its life. As I write in Rainbow Girl, I actually lost over 20lbs (about 10kg) a few years ago when I was living in San Francisco!

Read the full story in Rainbow Girl →

While, thankfully, I didn’t lose that much weight this time around, I did lose a few pounds. And because I have a body that’s naturally smaller than average, paired with my ED history, a few pounds is always more than enough to trigger my body’s anxiety alarm bells. After all, we do NOT want to go back to our 7-year famine!

Because of the trusting relationship I’ve built with this vessel that hosts my soul, I knew that I was going to experience extreme hunger as soon as my nervous system felt safe again. And sure enough, the DAY I returned to the Netherlands, I was inhaling boterhammen met pindakaas (bread smothered in peanut butter), pannenkoeken (Dutch pancakes, best kind!), pepernoten (seasonal Dutch spice cookies), chocoladeletters (seasonal chocolate in the shape of a letter, obviously I got the letter “L”!), and, of course, my mom’s home-baked apple pie!

Now, let me be clear: I have been LOVING all this delicious food. Because of the extreme relief I feel being out of a horrible living situation, I almost feel euphoric. Eating all the goods has been bringing me SO much joy. But And I’ve also been feeling really full and bloated. I’m gaining the weight back quickly, which, from a sensory perspective, is really tough.

This experience led me to remember a piece of content I started several months ago (because hello AuDHD abyss of half-finished projects 🤣) which I was going to call “How do I deal with the existential thoughts?”

The reason I was so excited to write this post/email was because that question – which Elma asked on a Liv Label Free Membership call – was just one manifestation of what I’ve decided to call the “deal with” question. A few more variations are:

→ How do I deal with weight gain?

→ How do I deal with mental hunger?

→ How do I deal with our society’s obsession with weight loss?

→ How do I deal with friends and family not understanding my autistic traits?

→ [And for the sake of this post being maximally relevant and helpful for your unique situation, you might want to come up with your own “How do I deal with…” examples]

You might be wondering what I replied on the membership call. Well, just like I often say that the term “recovery” is a trap, so is the “deal with” question. Why? Because it’s rooted in avoidance. It’s rooted in wanting to get rid of whatever it is you feel you must “deal with.”

When we ask “How do I deal with XYZ?” what we’re actually asking is “How do I get rid of XYZ?” For example:

How do I deal with weight gain? → How do I get rid of the discomfort of weight gain?

How do I deal with mental hunger? → How do I get rid of mental hunger?

How do I deal with our society’s obsession with weight loss? → How do I stop being affected by society’s obsession with weight loss?

Just think about it: We don’t say we have to “deal with” positive experiences. We channel our energy into them.

So what if we took the same approach to the dreaded experiences? Rather than trying to avoid the discomfort, what if we used the discomfort as fuel to channel our energy?

Going back to our examples, this might look like:

→ How can I use the existential thoughts as fuel for my art? As fuel for paving my own path in this life?

→ How might gaining weight (literally) allow me to channel my energy to support the activities I want to engage in?

→ When it comes to mental hunger, the blunt truth is that there’s no “dealing” with it. You either honor it, or you don’t. There’s no getting “rid” of mental hunger until you confront the fear of weight gain and allow yourself to eat in abundance.

I’m aware that all of this is quite abstract. And well of course it is, because it’s super nuanced!! Much more nuanced than I can even get in a blog post. Which is why I’d love for you to come feel the energy and the nuance and the connection in the Liv Label Free Membership!

For less than the cost of a single 1-1 coaching session, you get access to multiple group coaching calls per month so you can ask all your questions and receive my nuanced answers in real-time 🫶 Not only that, but you’ll also get to connect with other sensitive individuals who truly understand the neurodivergent experience of eating disorders AND you get access to my extreme hunger course, Autistically ED-Free Academy call recordings, and much more!

Click here to learn more about the membership →

There’s nothing I love more than to connect and empower you in real-time, so I do hope you’ll join us 💗

Much love,

XO Liv