Oh my, I was so positively overwhelmed by all the replies to last week’s Teddie story that I decided to write another one!

This story not so much about eating disorders, but instead offers a glimpse into what my life is like AFTER my ED.

Because the truth is, life is hard. I wake up every morning with anxiety and an endless stream of thoughts bombarding my mental walls.

So I wrote the following story not to promote the facade, the pretty picture of “oh, once you’re recovered, life is amazing and beautiful and pure bliss!” because that portrayal is just as fake as AI.

Rather, I wrote this story to illustrate that the simple joys of life – such as my morning anchor – are what make this life worth suffering for 🙏💖✨

Enjoy!

XO Liv

Morning Anchor ☕️ (A Teddie Story)

Boom boom boom.

The thoughts pound against the boundaries of Teddie’s mind like comets.

I have to answer that email…wait, did I even reply to that other email? Maybe I should send a WhatsApp instead.

Ugh, all those WhatsApps I still have to answer!

Okay, Teddie, focus on the most important things; you have PRIORITIES!

You’ve got that book you’re working on…but no, maybe you shouldn’t. It’s probably terrible, and you’re totally delusional for thinking people will even enjoy reading your shit!

Besides, you must be forgetting something if you think you have time for writing!

Like a broken record, that’s how every morning started; daybreak ruptured the formless flow of dreams and rattled Teddie into the suffering of human existence.

However, amidst the chaos, there was always another thing on Teddie’s mind – another thing that gave Teddie just enough motivation to get out of bed.

Their lips curled slightly as they shed the covers and their feet hit the cold floor. A thin layer of snow coated the outer windowsill, heightening Teddie’s excitement as well.

Tap tap tap.

Teddie ran down the two flights of carpeted stairs, a bit uneasy at the realization that they might have woken up mum.

Just yesterday, she’d asked Teddie if they could run up and down the stairs a bit more quietly, as Teddie was often awake hours before her.

“What?” Teddie was dazzled at what they’d taken as an accusation. Teddie wasn’t a heavy person, so they were confused how loud their footsteps could truly be.

“It must be the sandals,” Mum sighed as she saw how lightly Teddie treaded.

“Yes, well, I’m not taking the sandals off,” Teddie said as they descended the staircase after this test run. The only reason Teddie had to wear sandals was because of how dirty the house was!

For the past five years, Teddie had been living abroad. During the 2020 pandemic, when all of Teddie’s family members were home, Teddie became too overstimulated. It was this unforeseen quarantine that led to Teddie’s autism discovery, one that changed the course of their life forever.

On the day of their departure, as Teddie waved goodbye to mum at the airport, they’d sworn they’d never move back home. They’d been so sure of it! But in the last year or so, Teddie had started to feel increasingly lonely.

Their entire life, Teddie had convinced themselves they didn’t need anyone. They were independent, autonomous, and wanted to be ALONE. But only recently had Teddie started learning that this need for solitude wasn’t just an autistic trait – it was a trauma response, an attempted protection from the fear of rejection.

But now, being back home in the safe aura of their family, Teddie realized they did need people. And acknowledging that didn’t make them weak. As Teddie had also learned over the years, advocating for your needs was the ultimate form of strength.

Of course, being back home didn’t come without its challenges. Teddie was neat, clean, and needed things to be in their place. Because their head was already filled with so much chaos, a prepared environment was how they stayed the least bit sane. But Teddie’s mom and sisters didn’t feel that way.

Every drawer was filled with bits and bobs, every corner with dust, every kitchen cabinet with expired food. No matter how many times Teddie asked (and eventually begged) them to wash their hands before touching the cabinet handles, they were always met with the sticky residue of banana, peanut butter, or some other item a family member gobbled down on the daily.

But right now, all of that noise faded into the background. Right now, all that mattered was Teddie’s morning anchor: the routine of writing while sipping a piping hot, freshly brewed, dark roast coffee.

Brrrrrr, the coffee machine purred as Teddie hit the power button, prompting their dopamine molecules to dance in anticipation.

Drip drip drip, the machine started when Teddie hit the double-espresso button.

When the coffee finished brewing, Teddie hit the big-mug button so the final drink was a giant cup of coffee, probably filled with multiple-hundred milligrams of caffeine.

Just what Teddie needed.

Most people said caffeine made them anxious and jittery, but for neurodivergent people like Teddie, caffeine had the opposite effect. It created a deep sense of calm, enveloping them in a wave of peace that few other substances had the power to provide.

Ahhh, Teddie let out. Nothing better than that first sip feeling.

They opened their laptop, clicked on the document titled “Teddie,” and began writing.

Want more from me (and Teddie)? Check out my current offers:

👯 Liv Label Free Membership: A course + community hub for autistic individuals and caregivers wanting to discover a life of meaning and purpose beyond the ED

🍩 Extreme Hunger Course: constantly thinking about food but terrified of weight gain? Extremely Hungry to Completely Satisfied is your step-by-step guide to food and body freedom 🙏 (included in the Liv Label Free Membership!)

🌈 1-1 Coaching: Learn how to challenge the ED while respecting your autistic traits through my private coaching programs

📚 Books: Learn to forge your own freedom path through books where lived experience meets scientific insights!