6 years ago, I was drowning. Not in my eating disorder – I’d “recovered” from that. No, this time, I was drowning in recovery itself. 

I’d gained weight, I was eating my “fear foods,” I’d taken a full stop break from exercise, and I was doing all the other things that the ED recovery community tells you is the “right” way to recover.

But despite following the recovery rules, I felt more lost than ever.

I was constantly second-guessing myself: Am I eating enough? Am I eating too much? Is this mental hunger or emotional eating? Maybe I’m kidding myself with all this extreme hunger talk. Maybe I’m just using these terms to binge eat. Perhaps, I’ve just neurally rewired my brain to become addicted to food! Or what about exercise? When can I exercise again? Wait, is that the eating disorder talking?

It goes without saying that not only is this mental chatter f*cking exhausting, but this is not freedom.

Everyone said “recovery is worth it,” but I was at a complete loss as to how anyone could claim being “in recovery” was better than engaging with the eating disorder.

Sure, I was tired and miserable before recovery, but I was just as tired and miserable now! At least the eating disorder had given me a sense of purpose.

So, I considered relapsing… but even this thought saturated me with shame. How could I miss the ED, who was supposed to be fought to the death? 

Well, here’s the thing: It wasn’t until I stopped “facing my fears” that I could truly start discovering who I was. Because the truth is, fear is hardwired into our biology, making any attempt to “overcome fear” a pointless pursuit.

To clarify: this doesn’t mean that you become a victim to fear. It means you stop identifying with fear, that is to say, you stop allowing fear to drive your decisions.

This radically new view of fear – of viewing fear as your partner rather than your enemy – is the undercurrent of my book How to Get Out of Quasi Recovery.

In the accompanying Discovery Workbook, I invite you to reframe your own fears as opportunities to be curious, because it’s this curiosity that ultimately allows you to uncover the answers that have been within you all along.

My lovely friend, Autistically ED-Free Academy participant, and How to Get Out of Quasi Recovery beta reader Nico experienced this firsthand, and here’s what they shared: 

“How to Get Out of Quasi Recovery is an incredibly validating and mind-opening book that has been a transformative part of my recovery journey. Livia explains so many experiences that professionals dismissed because they didn’t fit the neurotypical understanding of eating disorders, and gives voice to feelings I’ve struggled to describe because I lacked the right framework to understand my neurodivergent experience. While the book can’t do the work for you, it provides the understanding, tools, and encouragement needed to escape quasi recovery – presented in ways that autistic people can properly understand. The blend of biology, psychology, neuroscience, anecdotes, and challenging yet empowering truths reassures me that the discomforts I face in recovery (or rather, discovery) are meaningful steps on my unique path forward.”

I couldn’t have said it better, Nico! Not only is most ED recovery advice geared towards neurotypical people – which creates this illusion that it’s harder for a neurodivergent person to find freedom – but this shift from recovery to discovery seriously changes everything! Because once you start aligning your actions with the person you want to become, well, fear and limitation simply cannot coexist with that life.

So if you too want the understanding, tools, and encouragement needed to escape quasi recovery, grab a copy of How to Get Out of Quasi Recovery and the accompanying Discovery Workbook here!