How to Stop Feeling Guilty in Eating Disorder Recovery

Do these phrases sound familiar? If you struggle with feeling guilty after eating, you're not alone. Five years ago, this was the constant dialogue running through my head. I had all these mental food rules I had to follow, all these rigid exercise routines I had to stick to, and what kept me stuck for so long was this intense fear of guilt. You see, doing anything different meant going against the eating disorder, and going against the eating disorder always resulted in feeling guilty. But here's the thing – to fully recover, you MUST go against the eating disorder. That's the whole point of recovery, right?

So then the question becomes: how can you go against the eating disorder without feeling guilty? How do you stop feeling guilty after eating foods you've labeled as "bad" or taking rest days your anorexia says you "shouldn't" take? In this post, I'll answer these exact questions so you can let go of food guilt for GOOD and finally gain the freedom you deserve!

Understanding Food Guilt in Recovery

Like so many people in eating disorder recovery, I used to fill every moment of my day with "productive" activities. I had this deep fear of empty time, and did everything to avoid unplanned hours, flexible schedules, or any moment that wasn't strictly controlled. Why? Because busyness was my shield against guilt. When I was constantly doing something, I didn't have to face the uncomfortable thoughts about food, exercise, or rest.

We live in a society where hustle culture is praised and rest is seen as lazy. This mindset feeds directly into eating disorder behaviors. It makes us feel guilty for taking breaks, enjoying food, or simply being still. But here's the truth about guilt in recovery: it's learned, not innate. And what's learned can be unlearned.

When you approach recovery from a place of love instead of fear, everything starts to shift. You begin to understand that feeling guilty after eating isn't your natural state, but a conditioned response. This realization is powerful because it means we can recondition our minds to respond differently. To start breaking free from food guilt, we first need to understand what's really causing it.

Why Do You Feel Guilty After Eating?

We can only start to uproot the feeling of guilt if know what the root is! This root can be found in our belief system. All humans have their own unique code of conduct, comprising of our unique values. From the moment you are born, this “code of conduct” is constantly being shaped by your life experiences. As a child, you are taught to say "please" and "thank you" when someone is generous or kind – that this is the “right” thing to do. You are also taught not to lie or steal – because this is the “wrong” thing to do. The more you act on your perceptions of right and wrong, the more deeply they engrain themselves in your belief system.

As I mentioned before, guilt is also something you’ve been conditioned to feel. Just as you’re not born saying please and thank you, you’re not born feeling guilty. Just think about it: no baby comes out of the womb thinking they need to lose weight or that they’re not good enough! As they grow up, a baby adopts these beliefs. Because these experiences shape your perception of right and wrong, they also guide you to believe what you should or shouldn't do.

You are told that you should say please and thank you because it’s the "right" thing to do, just like you are told you should NOT steal or lie because it’s the "wrong" thing to do. Where does guilt fit into all of this? Guilt helps us course correct. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. I’ve stolen before, I’ve lied before, and I’ve done many things that caused me to feel guilty afterwards! Yet, it’s that feeling of guilt that taught me to not repeat the very action that caused me to feel guilty in the first place.

We all know what guilt feels like: it's a painful, gut-wrenching emotion that no one wants to experience. But that’s precisely why you experience it. When you do something that goes against your values and feel guilty afterwards, you will behave differently next time. That being said, guilt itself is not a bad emotion. Guilt serves a purpose, which is to inform us how to act in a way that is aligned with our true values.

How Anorexia Causes Food and Exercise Guilt

When you develop an eating disorder, you adopt new morals and beliefs that go against your authentic values. An eating disorder is like a virus; it uses you as its host, then injects its beliefs into your brain like a virus that uses your cells as its host and your RNA to multiply.

The reason why you are able to justify your disordered behavior (or initially may even be unaware that it’s disordered) is because the newly adopted morals and beliefs created by the eating disorder support the disordered behavior.

Your eating disorder tells you there are foods that you should and shouldn't eat. Your eating tells you that certain foods are either "right" or "wrong." Just like you are taught that you should or shouldn’t act a certain way to make friends, or that saying "please" is right and stealing is wrong. An eating disorders takes everyday beliefs and channels them into food and exercise, which results in feelings of guilt when you don’t abide by the rules your eating disorder has created.

The only goal of the eating disorder is to contradict your true beliefs. It's why you can excuse all the horrible behaviors without batting an eye. Unfortunately, you aren't aware of how harmful these beliefs are until your ED is so engrained and you realize you can't go on this way. So what’s the next step? How do you rewire guilt in eating disorder recovery? How do you get rid of the constant anorexia thoughts? You starts by changing your actions.

Breaking Free from Food Guilt in ED Recovery

Something I always tell to my clients in Eating Disorder Recovery Coaching is that you cannot choose your thoughts, but you can choose your reaction to the thoughts. In the case of guilt: you cannot choose whether or not the feeling of guilt arises. In the beginning of recovery, you will feel guilty! But that's only because you've conditioned yourself to feel it. So, to start rewiring eating disorder related guilt, you choose to disengage with whatever anorexia is trying to make you feel guilty for.

Where your attention goes, energy flows. This is exactly what causes eating disorder behaviors to become so entrenched. As long as you give the eating disorder thoughts attention, you're giving them energy to influence your actions. If your eating disorder tells you to restrict and you act on this thought by restricting, you're fueling that very thought to keep returning. Said another way: you're giving your brain the notion that this is the "right" course of action, therefore signaling to it that eating is "wrong." Of course, this is only one example. Attending to any eating disorder behavior – whether it be restricting, exercising, body checking, comparing – gives it energy to keep influencing your belief system.

Opposite Action in Eating Disorder Recovery

If you want to create a life in which you are living in alignment with your healthy values, you must do the opposite of what your eating disorder tells you to do. If your eating disorder tells you to restrict, you eat more. If our eating disorder tells you to workout, you rest. If any thought has the slightest possibility of stemming from your eating disorder, you act in opposition to that thought. Trust me, this is fucking difficult. But if it was easy, it wouldn't be worth much.

Using this opposite-action technique is key when it comes to ridding yourself of food guilt. To give an example, say you ate a donut. Your head starts screaming at you that you "shouldn't" have eaten the donut and that doing so was "wrong." Those are the eating disorder thoughts. Your conditioned response is to pay attention to those ED thoughts and thus, give them energy to make you feel guilty. When you've repeated this thought pattern enough times, your brain starts to associate eating a donut with feelings of guilt. Now, you believe "eating a donut will make me feel guilty."

An Eating Disorder Wasn't Your Fault. Recovery is Your Responsibility.

Blaming your feelings of guilt on the donut is adopting a victim mindset. It's like running out the door and not taking time to tie your shoelaces, then tripping and saying it's the floor's fault. In recovery, you need to learn to tie your own damn shoelaces. You need to take responsibility. In the beginning, this will be SO hard. Tying the recovery knots (and therefore untying the eating disorder knots) will demand lots of brain power and discipline. But just as you know that tying your shoelaces was something you had to learn and something that is now second nature, so is being an advocate for your recovery. No one is going to do this for you. No one can take away your guilt. You have to choose whether or not you’re going to engage in the ED thoughts.

Removing Labels For Food Freedom

Labels are the root cause of guilt, for guilt is nothing more than the result of labeling certain behaviors around food and exercise as “right” or “wrong,” for labeling your actions around said food or exercise as things you “should” or “shouldn’t” do. The sole reason I named my brand Liv Label Free is because letting go of labels (and therefore, freeing yourself from external circumstances) allows you to come back to your true self. I no longer feel guilty for eating a certain food because I no longer label certain foods. I no longer feel guilty for resting because I stopped attaching morality to exercise. This was incredibly hard work, but it was letting go of labels that brought me to where I am today – which is being able to help you! If you want more inspiration on how to find freedom from your eating disorder, grab a copy of my book How to Beat Extreme Hunger!